Three islands later and we have finally returned to Bangkok:
– Koh Phag Ngah had panoramic beaches and winding roads
– Koh Samui had a stir and an airy buzz amidst its plethora of bars and diverse array of prostitutes (all HIV positive, of course)
– Koh Tao had…well, Koh Tao had nothing really.
The succinct bus journey to our first destination, Koh Phag Ngah, comprised of only 11 hours, followed by another 2 hour boat journey. Although the duration was nearly unendurable, it was appeased via the whimsical entertainment provided by the obscure and polarised couple from…France.
According to the atomic family, two most important facets are the mother and father; the former who is dainty, timid and quaint; the latter who is strong, robust and masculine.
Forget this preconception immediately.
‘Winston’, who was the man (we use this term solely in the scientific pretence) of couple was as fragile and efemminate as a pink vase, whereas ‘Lurch’ (the man-woman-thing) was, as Jakey put it, “built like a brick shithouse”.
Their relationship was nevertheless one of absolute adulation, only being restricted by Winston’s affinity for his beloved teddy bear. Whilst Winston had his embodifying toy, Lurch on the other hand had her rather conspicuous t-shirt which prominently stated that “YOU DON’T KNOW ME!”
And thank God for that!
In Koh Phag Ngah, the ocean was shimmering, the beaches were golden, the island; small, yet without being unobtrusive. To epitomise this wholesome beauty, the weather was dull, morose and overcast whilst being complimented by intermittent rainfall. Despite this however, neither of us exulted in this setback and our time on the island was tumultuous.
For the first time this trip we rented a motorbike and once we adapted to this sacraficial death trap, we explored the island. Most notably, the ‘Hat Rin Hills’ which had a 20% incline, were and arduous and demanding endeavour for our great lump of metal, even in first gear. Jakey almost almost crashed whilst rancorously climbing up them, but fortunately he dived of f the bike before any extensive damage or wounds could be inflicted upon him. Similarly, since then, Jakey has incinerated his leg twice on the exhaust pipe, resulting in two conspicuous life-long scars.
Now, envisage this: Chirping birds, buzzing mosquito’s, isolated roads, absolute darkness and two young buffoons unable to navigate their way back to their beach huts. The unspoken word is often the most powerful and both of us, although silenced with apprehension, mutually acknowledged that we might be spending the night out in the wilderness. One hour and one newly purchased map later however, we located our destination and fortunately found it.
Koh Phag Ngah also hosts the worlds largest beach party. Approximately between 12,000 – 30,000 people partake in this monthly event and expectedly, our experiences were drunken, eccentric and extensive.
The scuba diving sessions in Koh Tao were, for Jakey at least, very terse. In fact, he took the primary training session which partook in a standard swimming pool with such courageous perserverance, that he capitulated after fifteen minutes. Nevertheless, Pepe continued and completed the course before we both left for Koh Samui.
Here we watched Thai boxing, played a game of soccer with 22 Thai adults and went on a cable zip ride through the verduous jungle areas of the island. Samui, being the commercialised sister island of Koh Phag Ngah, had a surplus of other activities to observe. The most anticipated of these was the perceptibly acclaimed ‘football golf’, which, as the blurb ingeniously asserted, “was like golf, but with a football.” This aforementioned blurb enticed us due to the vivid descriptions of the “picturesque scenery” and the gaping plains which helped comprise the course. Consequently we were aghast with bitter resentment once we discovered that it was in fact no larger than a domestic British backgarden. And so it goes in Thailand…
Tomorrow we are taking a brief visit to Laos before having a prolonged stay in Vietnam.